Monster Eat Barbara
A mixed-media illustration.
June 3, 1984 - Indiana's K12 reports:
Yesterday, eighteen seemingly plump chickens infiltrated the US Department of Energy's Hawkins Laboratory and appear to have stolen the top-secret Experimental XR Raptor, a military prototype watercraft designed for the United States Marines.
Surveillance footage reveals just six exited the facility, reportedly now evading federal authorities at alarmingly slow speeds on Lake Michigan.
Perhaps more troubling, they seem to have commandeered the lab's electromagnetic M5 pulse-cannon and mounted it to the ship's topside. Worth a mention, we're told it may have been installed upside down.
In a separate, possibly linked incident, the Palace Arcade was broken into although only one item reported stolen, the ever-popular Dig Dug arcade game. An erratic young man has allegedly decrypted a Russian intercepted message which just might be the clue law enforcement are searching for:
"Mad Max's high-score will not be recognized by our republic. And the next time we ask for a cherry Slurpee, the only thing we will accept, is a cherry Slurpee."
This brief has been brought to you by Scoops Ahoy Ice Cream Parlor, Hawkins Indiana, USA.
Next up on K12, an unexpected Eggo Waffle shortage has thrown the entire Midwest into total chaos. Folks, you just can't make this stuff up.
Yesterday, eighteen seemingly plump chickens infiltrated the US Department of Energy's Hawkins Laboratory and appear to have stolen the top-secret Experimental XR Raptor, a military prototype watercraft designed for the United States Marines.
Surveillance footage reveals just six exited the facility, reportedly now evading federal authorities at alarmingly slow speeds on Lake Michigan.
Perhaps more troubling, they seem to have commandeered the lab's electromagnetic M5 pulse-cannon and mounted it to the ship's topside. Worth a mention, we're told it may have been installed upside down.
In a separate, possibly linked incident, the Palace Arcade was broken into although only one item reported stolen, the ever-popular Dig Dug arcade game. An erratic young man has allegedly decrypted a Russian intercepted message which just might be the clue law enforcement are searching for:
"Mad Max's high-score will not be recognized by our republic. And the next time we ask for a cherry Slurpee, the only thing we will accept, is a cherry Slurpee."
This brief has been brought to you by Scoops Ahoy Ice Cream Parlor, Hawkins Indiana, USA.
Next up on K12, an unexpected Eggo Waffle shortage has thrown the entire Midwest into total chaos. Folks, you just can't make this stuff up.
- Dimensions: 2160 x 2160 pixels
- Resolution: 300 dpi
- Format: png
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